These days I am focused on Tantra as I am working on healing areas of my life which I thought were healed, yet within the last week, I was reminded by life and my own actions and inactions, that healing, learning and expansion, are truly a spiral process–the more debris there is to clear (trauma), the longer usually that process takes and that is more than ok–also the more you learn, the more you discover there is to learn.
We fail, fall, get hurt by others or by our own inability to face that which hurts inside, and we hide…we hide from ourselves and others because it is easier. None of what I just mentioned is reason enough to give up on ourselves, and only you know what paths you need to take; what disciplines and methods are require of you to help yourself get back to your center–for me it is Tantra, Psychology, Shamanism and the introspection of my own roots–which really are my main focus these days.
Tantra helps me because I can use my body, mind and soul, it is a gentle yet direct approach to trauma healing. For me, it balances the natural pain one feels when confronting that which still hurts inside, by keeping me close and connected to my core through spirit and sensuality–as such, through my healing process, I still remain me vs. turning myself into someone who I am not–someone the world may wish to see. Tantra then, is not just sex, tantra is love and for that reason, I am writing on it today.
After days of being hard, perhaps even brutal with myself; looking at areas I have been avoiding; today I feel beautifully vulnerable but self assured. Today Tantra reminds me that just as I needed to face myself, now is time to be gentle with myself; I need to become love and strength–I need to feel and embodied them before the next wave comes….for Tantric healing comes in waves–guiding one back to self….back to one’s very essence.
Today I am the lover, lover to myself, to those that love me and whom I love; a lover to life. Tantra makes one a better lover in every way, because it points to yourself and reveals your being to you. Tantra is rebellious, it doesn’t belongs to anyone or anything yet it connects with everything; it is free from dogmas and opinion; it only demands a death– the death of everything that is false in you.
To too many people, Tantra is associated with the art of being a physically better lover; although that is true; it is not all Tantra is. As I have written in previous articles, Tantra encompasses mind, body and soul–short of just being an art, Tantra is a philosophy, a discipline, a way of life. For those serious about Tantra, it can transform one into a better lover physically, spiritually, mentally–a lover not just to others but more importantly to ourselves. So let’s dive deeper into what I mean by lover; perhaps doing so, it will help dissipate a bit of the confusion many seem to entertain when examining the subject.
Tantra simply means: Technique for the expansion of consciousness or what some call The Blue Sky.
For thousands of years now, human beings have sought to expand their consciousness. This spiritual search for our essence started since the first time we started asking questions such as: Who am I? What is my place in this infinite existence? Where do I come from and where am I going? Why do I live, produce and reproduce? Am I the sinner or the saint? Light or darkness? Savior or executioner?–as we go through life, we learn to separate ourselves, to disconnect and polarize, yet Tantra is here to remind us: be careful with extremes, be careful with running away from self, be careful with missing the beauty that is found within each facet, each opposite…in learning that beauty is where we will learn balance.
By becoming aware of oneself and our existence without accepting ourselves unconditionally, we run the risk of growing up letting others dictate what is right, what is wrong, and whom we should be– we detach ourselves from being whole; inside we long for union yet we feel separate from everything. Others tell us that in order to experience the feeling we are searching for, we just need to melt with everything; in order words give up who we really are and the way life has uniquely expressed itself in us; that is the price of admission to a society eager to reward us with false acceptance–and we call that belonging. When we accept this conditional acceptance, our heart and mind know we have betrayed ourselves; otherwise we would not be so ready to tear apart anyone who does not want this new sense of belonging–anyone who dares to say: I rather hurt and be this chaotic yet beautiful mess as I work through my shit, than numb myself so you may accept me.
Acceptance is not acceptance if based on faulty programming and dogmas. All dogmas are crutches meant to create the illusion of returning to the human being the feeling of belonging, the feeling of being one with divinity, with existence….the feeling of being complete…yet without accepting ourselves with all our light and darkness, we fail to understand the completeness of divinity.
Dogmas provide formulas and rules to induce spirit consciousness in the face of something purely unconscious in nature. They may believe they are seeking to elevate the human being to a being of consciousness that transcends animal instincts, yet the moment one loses the connection with one’s core, one is no longer following a path of expansion but one of suppression–a path which does not direct one towards love, much less to the spirit. Dogma is a twisted sense of discipline; rules which have nothing to do with the divine inside but with fear, shame, control–everything that results from not wanting to confront the shadow. Dogma isn’t religion per se, but the misunderstanding of a particular teaching, the desire to control and the desire to escape responsibility through denial. All religions and philosophies in life have something to teach us, but only if we can remain from falling pray to spiritual ego, and only if we are willing to face ourselves instead of twisting teachings to help us escape.
Repression, punishment, and twisted belief systems about human behaviors and passions have not been good measures of learning, since everything repressed twists and finds immeasurable paths of expression. This has been the case with the sexual and emotional expressions of the human being–self abuse has been the result of repression, yet dogma rather than look in and take responsibility for what it helped create, chooses to keep running and hiding–instead they use the resulting ill behavior as example of what happens when one doesn’t follow dogmatic rules. They lack the congruency to look at their teachings and look at their actions and see where the error was committed; examining areas which were never observed without judgment, with intelligence and a scientific and meditative attitude. The feeling of sin, shame or guilt prevents the human being from becoming aware of himself and therefore being the owner of his energy and his connection with his own divinity.
Tantric legacy, is the precious way of observing ourselves in a holistic way–as a sexual, emotional, intellectual and spiritual being; for all these expressions are different expressions of the same life energy that runs through us.
Tantra is not a religion, but one could say it is a very raw and religious way of being, in which dogma has no part, nor the false idea of saint or sinner. Instead one sees oneself as free, wild, sensual–yet sacred. One pays attention and celebrates the essential things: breathing, movement, taste, intimate encounters, look, touch, smell… the quality of an encounter by creating–Tantra is death and rebirth.
Divinity resides in the consciousness of a human being, and a human being with consciousness is one who lives his instincts, passions, desires, emotions, thoughts, attitudes, with clarity and openness–in other words purpose without rigidity…expansion.
“This path of acceptance, of non-discrimination is sometimes confused with hedonism or indulgence of human passions and desires, yet it is quite the opposite. The difference between acceptance and observation of what is happening, and pure permissiveness or indulgence, is the total and individual presence of consciousness in the here and now. This requires a great discipline that is acquired only by the act of self responsability, which can only take place when we choose to accept our shortcoming and face that which may be too hard to look at. Tantric discipline leads you to observe from your center the waves of life which cross your path, at the same time you remain pure consciousness, reflecting what Is without getting lost in it. Consciousness by its nature always channels the best option available to help you flow with things–congruently.
For the tantric, the loving and present observation of something or someone, transforms it, makes it flow and helps it find its healthy and natural channel. This phenomenon is called in mythology: the encounter between Shiva and Shakti, between consciousness and energy, between the observed and the observed. That is why Tantric discipline relies on teaching one to be aware of the body, our surroundings and life”
The path tantra traces, is to release layers of protection and to replace them with the awakened consciousness of your body, of your vital energy, of your being. Sexual energy has immense potential for vitality and creativity and not only serves to create another life, but to awaken vitality, joy and awareness in oneself.
“This potential of transformation, is observed in Tantra and in the Tao of sexuality. Through this slow and unhurried observation, it teaches us to understand the natural flow of energy and to make room for it, so it may fill every cell and every fiber of our nervous system, revitalizing and awakening latent potentials in us. Potentials of energy, awareness and creativity. It also provides us with tools to become aware of our energetic patterns when it comes to being intimate. As such, we learn to understand our needs, we learn when to keep approaching and when to simply move away, when to embrace and when to allow ourselves to be embraced. Tantra encourages us to continue to respect and communicate our truth with presence and openness”
For tantra, physical contact, caresses, hugs, massages, looks, dances, etc … are a necessity of every human being. They are gestures which when lived and shared in a conscious way, speak to you about yourself, your heart and the heart of the world. They teach us to step aside from the intellect alone and feel…really feel–connecting from the heart.
The quality of love, healing and devotion to our true essence, arises from living everyday things with purpose and passion. Witnessing them, being part of them, enjoying all types of pleasure; from the look of your child at breakfast time, a caress from someone dear, a kiss, a sunset, the texture of the clothes that rub against you, the sounds, your body while you are working–to making love…in openness, vulnerable yet relaxed, without false goals…witnessing, loving… allowing each orgasm to bring healing, to soothe the hard work you put on by confronting yourself–allowing you to touch your divine center, and to expand on it. In this way, the spirit does not separate from life, but consciousness and loving openness descends in all areas and transforms them….transforms you into the real raw you….providing you with the strength to be you; even when you hurt, even after you fall, even when the world tells you, you have no right to be. Tantra strengthens you with passion and power to your inner voice…allowing your spirit to say back “I am here to stay. I have a right to be. I may fall, but I get back up, because I know a fall does not determine who I am”–and after every fall, you get up stronger, wiser, freer, more sensual, more alive, more in balance, more in love with yourself and life–as such capable of giving love and capable of standing up when needed.
As I work on myself dedicated to facing that which may scare me, that which may still hurt, I become more aware of my essence of my body, of my emotions, of my divinity and the personal code, the personal message that was written in me way before I came into this life.
As I embrace the fire of the free spirit, I can feel my capacities expanding. I can feel my power to create growing. As I learn to accept I still hurt and fall, I learn to trust my own code; despite whether others accept it or not. I learn to see myself as more than just transient but as divine sensuality–a way of being, which I believe can keep transforming me, helping me to expand more every time. I believe Tantra can be a gift to the society we live in, if we are only willing to love ourselves where we are at, instead of the constant punishment we impose on our soul and mind. We are human, we are not perfect, but it is within those imperfections where most of our beauty resides; if we are only willing to look in and take our time.