Every now and then, I address some of the emails pertaining to the sexual aspects of Tantra. Lately I have been asked about the importance of massage, specifically Tantric Massage. In the past I have written about what Tantra really is and a few of its practices; with that said, when it comes to Tantric massages, there are many techniques from the basic to the most complex. One of the more complex when done properly is Chi Nei Tsang; in my next article I will write about Chi Nei Tsang, but today I will write about a Tantric Taoist technique which although simple, has great importance to help you connect with your partner and start preparing your organs for Chi Nei Tsang.
“The harmonious exchange between the masculine and the feminine, the yin and yang of the universe, connects us with the ancestral energy”
Making love according to Tantric Taoism, is a sacred act (role) in which one learns progressively to detach oneself (it has nothing to do with no attachment but detachment) from empty (superficial) desires, as well as to dissociate; in the case of men; ejaculation from real pleasure.
The feeling of joy; which for the novice may not feel very intense at first; can progressively overcome the sexual organs and expand upwards creating a vertical axis in the body that spreads to the whole being…thus eventually lovers will learn to experience new and more powerful pleasurable yet healing sensations. In doing so we can enter a state of ecstatic meditation in which yin and yang enter into perfect harmony. This is what is sought in the practices of chikung or sexual alchemy in couples, through the harmonious exchange between the feminine and the masculine energies.
According to Taoism, there is a natural order in the universe, an order based on the balance of these interdependent complementary opposites which are yin and yang–one force without the other cannot exist for they generate each other. Yin means the “shady side of the mountain”, while the yang character refers to the solarium They are two parts that together make up the entire mountain. They exist in relation to the existence of the other and each one also contains the other: in the solarium there are shadows and in the shade there are more illuminated areas than others.
In this way we can classify within us the order of the night and the day, the cold and the heat, the feminine and the masculine… the balance between these opposites is what regulates global, group and individual health.
The man is essentially yang and the woman yin; although in the man there is yin and in the woman there is yang. All men have attributes that could be classified as feminine, while women also carry masculine attributes. Tantric Taoism considers man to be yang on the outside and yin on the inside; a woman is its opposite.
THE UNION OF ENERGIES THAT COMPLEMENT EACH OTHER
In the Tantric Taoist tradition rituals called heqi or “union of the breaths” are celebrated; that is, the union of chi or vital energies. These rituals are described in beautiful poetic ways in Taoist literature; although due to the lack of knowledge about real Tantra, most of the teachings/poetic expressions are quite incomprehensible or susceptible to various interpretations by those unfamiliar with Tantra.
Unless we want to lead a full Tantric Taoist life (and there is no temple nor real teachers in the West to do so), today it makes no sense to try to strictly reproduce those rituals, but its adaptation to our current life can be invaluable–for health and longevity, to enrich our sex life and change the paradigm under which we have sexual encounters.
The goal of Tantrics is to be one with the divine, while honoring our unique archetypes–so instead of promoting all to be the same and to melt with “the one”, they respect the unique expression of the divine within each of us. Tantra respects our many facets and the fact that divinity has many edges, it would be naïve to believe it only expresses itself in one way; as such Tantra respects the primordial essential power of the universe; in other words, it promotes flowing while honoring your own uniqueness, only then can you tap to your true potential and sensuality, which will lead to a more fulfilling and exciting sexual life–while uniting mind, body and soul. Only the harmonious exchange between the masculine and the feminine allows access to the unique breath; as such knowing your lover, becoming a lover, and being uninhibited are important–both aspects are required.
Through the harmonious sexual act between man and woman, we experience and connect with the harmonious flow between yin and yang; returning to the natural order common to everything… the Tantric Tao.
SEXUAL CHIKUNG INITIATION EXERCISE
It is about first experiencing calm yet exciting emotions, to move slowly towards sexual arousal and then prolong the pleasure:
- We sit face to face and look at each other for what may feel like a long time. You are encouraged to put the left hand on your heart and the right hand on your partner’s.
- We allow ourselves a good time of relaxation; being present; emptying ourselves of what does not serve us at the moment and filling ourselves with love.
- Then the divine masculine goes on to massage the divine feminine. First he massages the breasts to activate the chi, then he goes down the abdomen until he reaches your genitals. Massage them, starting from the outer lips.
- When the woman is excited (she decides when), the vagina will receive and wrap the erect penis. They will both stay a long time without moving, looking into each other’s eyes and attentive to the sensations that are generated in the genitals– the lack of friction allows the senses to intensify and our ability to feel deeply is activated while touching.
- It is important to keep your breaths on track and keep them slow and deep. If movement occurs, let it be a rhythmic undulation of the body to the rhythm of breathing, which you will not let it accelerate.
- In purist Tantric Taoist alchemy, man should never ejaculate; an expert on this will tell you that the orgasm when not ejaculating is much more intense (about 3 to 7 times more intense than regular orgasm)– but it is a dangerous practice if not done with knowledge, as such do not attempt if you are a novice. Try to prolong as much as possible the moment of ejaculation, which will occur when she is satiated.
There are techniques and times for intense “animalistic” sexuality, which satisfy the primate in us without devaluing someone to a basic animal. However, those are taught after one has learned to remain in the present and master the art of staying in the moment….connected vs. simply being a tool for mediocre pleasure.
If you want to experience deep arousing yet healing pleasure, then the discipline of learning to know your body first is important, then learning to connect with yourself before you can connect with others–the art of learning to become a real Lover. Real Tantric Sexuality is one of a kind, but like anything else it requires discipline first, in order to learn to navigate the mind blowing orgasms that one experiences while healing the mind and body.