Although our society considers itself quite modern, when it comes to openly discussing sexuality, we are far from treating the subject with normalcy; for it is a beautiful part of life; and certainly far from seeing it as sacred while being able to enjoy the wild ride–being sexually uninhibited. It seems the concepts of wild and sacred have been separated and set up on opposites ends of the scale…neither meant to represent its original meaning; rather, ones denies while the other abuses.
On the one hand, we have those who believe that to be sacred means to deny oneself pleasure in order to uphold a reputation; hence repressing their own natural desires which often leads to living in anger, becoming sarcastic or hold secret addictions. On the other hand we have those who consider themselves sexually liberated; they think because they abuse their body by sharing it with whoever is willing, that they are sexually open and knowledgeable, yet having various sexual partners or many sexual encounters does not equate to fulfilling, mind blowing sexuality or orgasms.
Both of the above only lead to mental, physical and spiritual degradation; one demands submission, the other to treat oneself as an animal. Neither honors sacredness nor wildness of being. Although I am expanding myself more on the subject within my book “Tantric Sexuality” which will come out this summer –due to unprecedented circumstances, its launch was delayed–better late than never right? 😉 today I would like to talk about sex; to be more specific, today I would like to talk about beautiful, loving, uninhibited sexuality while using the Lotus position.
The Lotus position is a Tantric position, in which one partner sits in the other’s lap–facing each other so as to experience intimate penetration and/or external stimulation. The lotus position is the western name for one of the most famous Tantric Sex positions…the Yab-Yum. The term lotus became the western name for it, as it sounded more palatable. What makes this position so cherished by Tantrism, is not the configuration of the bodies but how one makes love in that position–in other words, just because one uses a Tantric position, doesn’t mean one is experiencing Tantra.
To be more clear, the lotus position is but a small component of Tantra (weave together); Tantra is a sacred practice which belief system is meant to liberate the spirit while unifying mind and body. Its ultimate goal is the waking and moving of the kundalini force to open the third eye and liberate the spirit (full clarity). Tantra, recognizes sexual energy is one of the most powerful energies we posses; it is the creative energy, and it can be used to facilitate healing, transformation and spiritual growth. The Lotus Tantric position represents the union of masculine (Shiva) and feminine (Shakti) energies. One is the penetrating force, while the other is the receiving vessel.
You don’t have to be a Tantric to try and enjoy the lotus position; however, you do have to know enough about Tantra if you intend to move the energies within you and your partner, or if you intend to intensify tenfold the ecstasy and the power of the orgasm. If you would like to try this position and it is your first time doing so, let me give you a few hints on how to do so efficiently…
First, have whichever partner is going to be doing the penetrating to sit cross legged (crisscross applesauce position) on the bed, floor or comfortable mat. In Tantra we prefer a luscious comfortable mat on the ground–this helps provide much needed stability. Once the penetrating partner is comfortably sat, the receiving partner sits on their lap, straddling them–face to face and chest to chest. The partner sitting on top or receiving partner, can then wrap their legs around the penetrating partner’s torso. Meanwhile, the penetrating partner can pull both together with their arms–as if giving a full body hug.
After having correctly achieved that position, the combination of what to do can vary extensively and it depends on your genital combination and sexual preferences. When it comes to Tantra however, it is all about slow, sensual, soulful lovemaking; the goal isn’t orgasm/ejaculation…the path is to postpone/delay pleasure, enjoying each wave in order to achieve the goal, a powerful healing yet wild orgasm–just because you are delaying and starting slow, doesn’t mean it won’t get wild.
Once the partner at the bottom has penetrated, the top partner rocks the hips back and forth. For those who are more traditional, the top partner will do most of the moving (rocking rather than bouncing). If the receiving partner is tall (tall people usually have wider hips, which are great for child bearing; however, they do often tend not to produce a tight sensation around the penis) please do not use any lubricants; unless your hormones are out of alignment (due to age or other causes) and you cannot longer properly lubricate on your own.
If the receiving partner is petite, do not use lubricant so the sensations intensify due to the tightness your inner walls will produce around the penis. However, if like previously mentioned, you are no longer lubricating on your own, or your partner is above average in length or width, then I do recommend using lubricant to your discretion.
Keep in mind, you are focusing on slow rocking, rather than fast thrusting. Also, the lotus position is perfect for practicing Karezza (no penetration is involved), rather is about rocking without penetration, caressing the chakras along the spine and base of the head–awakening and accumulating energy for later or for another time.
If you or your partner have problems sitting on the lotus position, a good variation is to do so “straight-legged”. Instead of the already mentioned, have one partner keep their legs straight or slightly bent behind each other while they straddle, which still allows you to enjoy the face to face intimacy of the Lotus position.
Another way to do this (specially if the top partner is a bit heavier–you don’t have to sacrifice pleasure) is to have the top partner kneel while straddling the bottom partner; that way they can hold up some of their own weight while maintaining full body contact.
**If you or your partner are a bit more adventorous and flexible and want to achieve a slightly different penetrative sensation, have one or both partners lean back slightly during intercourse. If practicing Tantra, lean back every time you feel close to a high wave or when you want to “tease” and enhance the sensations of the partner who is penetrating. Likewise, if the penetrating partner leans back when he feels the walls of the receiving partner “shrink”, “palpitate” (one can only notice these subtleties through conscious love making), then the receiving partner will enjoy quite a different but pleasurable sensation. This variation changes the angle of the hips and can provide immense pleasurable, since it offers deep penetration and more G-spot stimulation than the traditional upright lotus. The G-spot, is an area two to three inches inside the vaginal or anal canal, that when stimulated properly can lead to “intense pleasure” and “awakening orgasms”. However, let’s make something very clear, just because there is penetration doesn’t mean the G-spot is stimulated. That is why most people; specially women, only experience clitorial orgasms. It takes a patient and expert “LOVER”–not sex buddy–to awaken it.
Lastly, there is another variation but it requires lost of flexibility. The top partner brings their legs up over the bottom partner’s shoulders. This variation changes the angle of the top partner’s hips and can be deeply pleasurable. However, very few lovers can pull this position off without losing the connection, which is why it is not usually recommended. A more mundane variation but still requires strength from the penetrating partner is….the receiving partner has their legs up over the penetrating partner’s shoulders; however the penetrating partner is not sitting down (this is not a lotus position) he is standing up, supporting the receiving partner’s weight by holding and guiding her buttocks. He has all control (tempo, style of movement, etc)–to make this more manageable, this position is performed against a wall.
Benefits of the Lotus sex position:
It promotes intimacy.- It is true there are other positions in which partner’s face each other, but the lotus position takes that intimacy further by prioritizing prolonged eye contact, as well as full body contact in the form of a sweet yet sensual full hug.
Eye gazing is one of the most powerful tools for building intimacy; also one most people are uncomfortable practicing. Most people are afraid to see past the walls others have or to be seen. Properly practicing eye gazing can help you learn to truly see people even when they are not your partner, and you are not necessarily eye gazing–but it requires conscious practice…uniting mind and spirit…you need to be willing to be vulnerable with yourself first and with others, in order to recognize the subtleties hidden behind people’s gaze.
More importantly, when it comes to sexuality, there is nothing more vulnerable yet strong, sensual, loving and erotic, than to watch your partner drop all defenses as they climax and then orgasm in front of you while looking into each other’s eyes. This type of eye gazing, cannot be forced; you can’t simply tell your partner “look at me” when they are making love or about to come…it doesn’t work that way–that is why a genuine mental and soulful connection needs to take place before a physical and spiritual connection do. This is why as a Tantric, I know there is nothing more alluring, unique, unforgettable than people who are willing to be themselves (vulnerable yet strong), instead of trying to play a role to catch or retain attention. Being unapologetically you–with all your wounds and talents, all your light and darkness–is honoring yourself and others.
Great clitorial stimulation.– As mentioned before, most women have not ever experienced a G-spot orgasm. Most of the female population achieve an orgasm via clitorial stimulation. The clitoris contains over 8,000 nerves– you can’t go wrong by paying loving attention to it 😉 With the lotus position, the clitoris of the receiver will naturally rub against their partner’s body as they rock.
Frees the hands.- The lotus position centers most of your weight on the hips, leaving the hands free to caress, explore, and stimulate. For women who enjoy stimulating their own clitoris, this position allows them the freedom to do so.
Energetically powerful.- Every human has seven main chakras that run from the pelvis up the spine and to the top of the head. In this position, all your chakras are lined up with your partner’s chakras; this creates multiple energy circuits between you. A chakra is a center of concentrated spiritual energy. Spiritual can be sensual…hence communion with the divine; this spiritual energy during love making can feel soooo good yet healing. Even if you are not a Tantric person (you don’t believe in using sexuality to unify mind and soul) this position can feel uniquely energizing because your bodies are so in sync.
Well, I hope this concise teaching of the beautiful Lotus position, has been to your pleasure. I hope you give it a try; giving yourself permission to simply let go and enjoy with someone with whom you share a genuine connection.