Lost Innocence

Poetry is often written about sexuality, love and hope.  It is not as common to find poetry which shines light on the social problems our world faces; even rarer to find poetry which openly talks about the repercussion of child’s sexual and psychological abuse.

Sexual and Psychological abuse at any age is unacceptable, yet each day  there are thousands who are abused and battered.  Sadder yet is the fact there are those whose abuse won’t be a one time thing but who endure abuse day in and day out; repeatedly for prolonged periods of time.

It isn’t enough to remember this crude fact on specific days of the year or to simply right a check without understanding the suffering imposed.  It is important to remember abuse happens every day to thousands of people. Whether you know a person who has been or is being victim of abuse or not is irrelevant; it is important not to lose our humanity, our ability to relate, to empathize with others.   I am not trying to scare you or to push you to  live in fear but to make you aware of the reality as it is for many.  I hope you become vigilant of those precious to you; specially children; guide them, love them and protect them.  By bringing this subject to your attention,  I am in no way recommending that you start over sheltering your children, for often the results of over sheltering are no less dire than the behavior exposed by children who have been subject of neglect.

To those of you who may have known abuse at some points in your lives and to those of you who were repeatedly abused; I hope you learn to see yourself clearly…. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG and it’s time to stop punishing yourself for what monsters covered in human skin did to you.   I know the road to healing won’t be easy; I know that first hand; but it is possible.

I don’t write because I am “healed”, I write because I am working on healing myself and I want others to know there is no shame on having wounds, scars, pain, depression, anger, PTSD, dissociation or whatever else they have labeled you.   I write because too many of us have been made to be silent.  In a desire to avoid pain, too many have turned their backs on others who have gone or are going through trauma. Pain and trauma cannot be simply pushed away; the only way to heal is to walk through it.

If you have endured abuse, it may seem there you won’t ever heal but You CAN … I know you can, because if you are reading this, it means you have survived and that is a sign of tremendous strength.  Now I am asking you to take the steps necessary towards LIVING for surviving is not enough.  I am asking you to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST and then whenever you are capable of it, use your voice and experiences to help others. 

Do not push the pain and trauma away; pretending you are fine won’t help; it will only turn you into a cold sarcastic person.  Do not victimize yourself either, otherwise you are still letting those who abused you punish you even from afar.  I know the healing process can be very challenging and finding the balance between being aware of what happened to you and  where you  want to be isn’t easy; it’s possibly one of the hardest things to do…but you can do it, even if slowly.

Do not become sarcastic about life for life is beautiful, life is magical, life is sensual, life is pure.  It wasn’t life who did this to you… life kept you here and life wants you to take your power back.  Life wants you to stand up when others try to put you down.  Life wants you to embrace yourself with so much love and courage as to never ever  lower your gaze because of what others may think of you.

Although the following piece has been written from a female perspective,  it is dedicated to any man or woman, boy or girl who ever went through abuse.

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The saddest verses come forth tonight…

About the spirit of a young girl who was killed while alive

I can see her in the distant memories too far gone yet present tonight

I can see her shivering hands and the broken body left behind

Nobody listened to the haunted silence of her tears

Nobody dared to look directly at her brown eyes

They shut their hearts as they shut their eyes

I can see her clearly…

Hope leaves her eyes as another night devours the day

Her heart races as the sound of their footsteps get closer

She can smell their breath

Reminding her of cigarettes, booze and hell

Fingers cover her fragile lips

Like vultures they devour her soul through her skin

Beautiful they call her

But a slave to their sickness she has become

As morning comes, they will forget what they did to her

Others will look and praise their masks with awe and respect

The chains they imposed…

The pain; she is but a walking dead

One day she screamed out loud, the nightmares; her hell

She hoped to be saved, for justice to come

Yet their wives covered their ears and turned their backs

Her silence they tried to buy like a common slut

Sinner they called her while the monsters drank her blood at night

The girl is no longer; she was “purified”

Her mind turned inside out, yet she was “sanctified”

The girl disappeared far from the reach of their hands

So far inside she hid; terrified was the kid

She sat on the edge of a dangerous wall

I could let myself die slowly she thought

I could let myself fall on the sharp edges of my wounds

I can die on the chaotic line of shadows

I could let myself drown in oblivion

Who will remember me?

Who will hear my cries?

I can die defeated and deserted one more time

She sat there so long; she lost track of time

Maybe it was for the best, for inside she found light

She found strength….

She found the divine!

Out of a forgotten place a warrior rises back

Like a phoenix rising, her shadow becomes soul

From a divine place her strength is given

A place found on no altar, nor make belief heaven

Her eyes have witness what lies beyond

From the deepest realms of her soul she is sent back

She is like water for those who thirst for life

Her voice to reach those who are forgotten; left behind

Do not cry to those who don’t care…

Do not blame yourself….

Do not hide

Do not let them label you…

Do not take their punishments…

Face them with pride…

Make your life the sword with which you shall fight

God doesn’t ask for you to be on your knees

God doesn’t need you to beg for mercy and cry

God doesn’t need your constant prayer

God is found within not without

Gold refines by fire

A diamond in the rough is what you are

The journey won’t be easy but you were made tough

Warrior, child, mother, goddess

That is who you are

Stand up and raise those beautiful eyes

For the life you wanted is within reach…

Of your capable hands!

By Sofia Falcone

I passionately believe one person can make a difference. I write from my own experiences and interests. It is my greatest hope that by writing about my own challenges, victories, hopes and learnings, others may feel inspired to believe more in their inner power and to fully embrace themselves!

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