Like a dense fog this pain prevents me from seeing beyond…

Such intense pain which touches even the deepest parts of my bones…

Yet my soul remembers the warmth of moments which felt like spring…

Where are the days without rain, without pain, without sorrow….

Like a thief in the night depression steals sweet moments of love…

Like a puzzling riddle it tortures my soul…

Memories hidden from so long ago…

How can I face those memories when I feel broken by their very shadow…

How will my mind survive if I have to see their horror?…

Like a roaring tornado thoughts rush in, one after another…

Where will I find the sweet peace of beautiful silence?….

Between which hemisphere of shadows lies the unlocking key…

Like David and Goliath the brutal wrestling match goes on…

Unable to make peace with these century old demons…

Demons who promise to save me if am willing to take their hand…

I take a good look at them before I feel crushed one more time…

Oh what a horror to know the reality behind the mask…

They are not demons, they are my broken parts…

Forcing me to look at the brutality imposed on them by sinful acts…

I resist the immense pain holding on to my sanity…

Remembering those I love and the value of their kindness..

To my thirsty, battered soul their love is like a bucket of water…

Where does this cycle of torture stop before I can breathe again…

My battered wings awaiting to take flight one more time…

What mixture of heroism am I to use this time?…

Like a sorcerer who has lost her footing; quickly the right potion I try to find…

Maybe after this last trip all will remain the same…

Maybe all this battling and trying is for nothing…

Another foggy day to come…

Promising relief when all is said and done….

Will I see the light again or will the farce of the dark nebula devour me…

Will I be consume by its haunting fires?…

Will I ever see again the sweet rays of hope?…

Will I stand one more time or will there be no coming back?….

Will I be able to beat these feelings of  hatred and revenge?…

Feelings which threaten my very reality…

Like a monstrous wounded dragon they rise up from deep inside….

The battle is on; one more time…

I can hear the beating of the drums, the clasping of the mental swords…

My mind is but a cave with many places to hide…

In what miserable place did I loose myself this time?…

Against what cold wall will I find my “core”?…

Her little arms wrapped around her legs, pleading “please no more”…

How can I make her see that it’s safe to come with me?…

My own will has been shaken; afraid I will not make it out this time…

Yet I still want to find her “come to me little one”….

Life may be a winter of false hopes…

A fallen cry without sleep…

They have deceived us many times…

Promises like autumn trees with no branches…

Within the stretch network of cravings you have lost yourself once again…

Maybe you are just that; a semblance, elusive and benevolent…

I may be stubborn and full of anger but I love the innocence of who you are…

Goddess, woman, mother and child…

You are the water to my thirst, the light to my blinded eyes…

Little one let me hold you one more time…

Let me rock you in my arms until your light once more shines…

I can’t promise you a happy ending to this life…

But if you take my hand, together one more time we shall rise…

For depression is not our enemy, is our friend in disguise…

And it’s trying to reunite us, so our spirit may soar into the beautiful skies…

By: Sofia Falcone 2018

 

 

 

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