Recently I watched a documentary on the evolution of human nature and the dating game. The documentary however used the word “evolution” more or less sarcastically. The reason behind this emanated from taking a look at what the word “authentic” really means. It was questioned whether or not we have lost our authenticity in a search for general acceptance and prestige. Looking at it from that angle, it questioned whether or not human beings have evolved or have we lost ourselves even more.
More and more in our society we find people questioning their authenticity. They questioned whether or not they should exposed the core of who they are; and how that will be receive. Will it get them a second date?, will it help them start or keep a relationship?. The more such questions rise, the more people look for answers. Unfortunately, many times we search for answers in the wrong places. We watch programs that promote only external physicality, and we forget that although physicality is something that is important to some degree; it is not something we can pin down. Why do I say this?, because what or who one may find attractive, somebody else might not. So what then?, are we to run around confused and feeling defeated because our media influences and changes its perception of what “beauty” is?.
We forget our media is more concerned with making you feel less accepting of your self in order to make money. The beauty industry is a multi-billion dollar “business”. Lets not forget that word “business”. They are there to make money, and they will do whatever they can to do so. The easiest way is to keep people on their toes, searching for physical perfection which again is non existent as human beings have many different perceptions on what beauty is!
Physical health is important, but its importance should come from the benefits it gives you above else; the attention you get from it should be secondary. I am not going to pretend that personally I don’t enjoy it when I find myself content with my reflection or the attention it might get me. It is not my primary focus however, nor my main goal. I won’t deny the satisfaction I get at times, why?, because I take that as positive reinforcement to maintain track of my body which in turn helps me maintain a heathier mind. Healthy body, usually means a clearer mind. Let me emphasize however that my primary motivation is not anyone else, or to compete with anyone else, my primary motivation is me!. I take care of my body because it helps me maintain a more motivated state of mind, I take care of my body because I like feeling that even after having had children I can still look at my body and be proud of it.
I am in no way a health nut; nor do I exercise religiously every day. I know I have room for improvement, when I choose to do so is because of how it leaves me feeling afterwards. I do what I do for me first and foremost, because it makes me happy and as a result I enjoy the perks that come with it. I used to do sensual photography (as a model and as a photographer).
I did it not because of the attention it would get me; that didn’t cross my mind; I did it because of how it made ME feel, the rest were just a bonus. My biggest “bonus” the look my partner gives me when I wear something sexy!. It makes ME feel good, because we can bring “play” into our relationship, mix it up a little and that helps us feel more connected. Through it all however, I have not forgotten the most important connection we have is that of our souls and minds. Yes I spend some time on my body to keep it relatively healthy, but my main focus is on my mind and my soul, for the rewards I get from that are far more satisfying. Overall I believe it is a balance between mind body and soul.
Getting back to the documentary I watched. It talked about how in this day and age, more and more people are looking for the fountain of youth, spending countless hours and money on gyms , make up and surgery in order to attain a goal that its by definition impossible to attain, “perfection”. In their search for perfection, many people have lost the most important aspect of themselves, their authenticity.
The documentary gave as example the many seminars and books that are out there, to “teach” people how to attract others. The interesting part of it is that the majority of those books and seminars focuses on denying your authenticity. They teach people how to “pretend” to be confident.
If you want to maintain a man’s attention they say, you have got to be a “bitch” (pardon the French!).
You have to “play” the dating “game”. You have to be “hard” to get. You have to “never let him too close”. notice the words?.
No wonder more and more couples end up loosing themselves. How can you bond with someone if you have to pretend to be someone else?.
There are many people in this world, and we forget someone will accept us for who we are. We have made our goal to be accepted for who we are not, and yet inside we keep desiring to find someone who will accept us for we are. How can we achieve that when we keep and follow the advise of other misguided people who are also trying to get as much attention as possible in order to satisfy their ego. We have become so disconnected from our own core that our ego has taken over; to the point where our id no longer regulates us in a protective manner.
Yes we all want to feel loved, and yes love is the answer, but it starts with loving yourself. The more you love yourself ( I am not talking about being prude for that is just another mask), the less you need others acceptance
and the more you attract those who will love you for who you are.
Imagine how freeing it is to be loved without any masks. You can just relax and be yourself , and not have to worry that someone will discover your “bad side”.
In essence the most authentic state is when a woman or a man embraces who they are. When they are loving, and they express it, in whatever way fulfills their spirit, no matter how “weird’ others may find it; those who love you will value it; and that is what matters.
Here is an example, aside from preparing romantic dinners (which I should do more often), or dressing up, or giving and receiving sensual massages to and from my partner; I like writing poetry for those I love, I like dedicating songs, etc. Many times I do it just in our privacy, other times I like to post it on my Facebook.
Now I know that many people see that and misjudge it. I can understand it to a degree, for many use Facebook to show the highlights of their lives and those who see it are left feeling like their life is boring, or the opposite response would be “geez get a room”. Reality is, we don’t truly know what goes on in other people’s lives; but that is not my motivation nor my concern. My only motivation when I do what I do, is ME and HIM.
I like expressing myself that way; posting poetry, songs, etc, to remind him that I am thinking of him, and that I miss him; that I love him. I don’t care if others like it or not, I don’t care if others want to confuse it or not, I don’t care if others find it immature, or annoying. I am not in a relationship with them, this is who I am, and how I express myself, and my partner loves me for me. So be yourself, do what feels good for you, regardless of who says or thinks what because at the end of the day, its about your happiness not theirs. If anyone wants to assume or believe something else, remember that it is a reflection of them, not you. So what if my way of expressing myself is considered by others as “quirky”, “immature’, “dorky”, or “weird”, it is me, and that is all that matters.
When we change ourselves, when we pretend to be someone we are not, we change the energetic field, the energetic signature within our body. If you are going to change that, let it be for your greatest good, not because you want to please someone.
Remember that with pretending comes a lot of stress; people have to pretend in order to gain control; forgetting control is an illusion,
A lot of people spend countless energy playing games, don’t be one of them.
Look at the dating game; a lot of women spend countless energy and money on their makeup, and the latest fashions, a lot of men think they have to drive the fanciest cars, and own a lot of things, in order to get prestige and/or someone to love them; we forget none of this is us; but it is a reflection of us.
When we are so busy buying our lives in order to impress others, what we are truly saying is ” this is what am worth”, “I have nothing else to offer you but my money, my toys, my outer shell and that is it!”, how about offering who you are at your core?.
How about the precious, most beautiful gift of all?, your soul.
The ability to be real, to show someone else how beautiful living by your own rules can be. That is something that no one will take, neither will it change with the seasons or as you age. All those other things are nice, but none of it will get you far if you only do it in order to be accepted, if you only do it in order to validate your worth, because no amount of money, fame, or beauty will fill the void that is in your soul, until you choose to take the biggest journey there is; the one inside yourself!.
I started that journey years back, but is not until recently that my partner and I chose to plunged in. We don’t have all the answers, like you we are in search for them, but let me tell you something, so far its been the most challenging yet most beautiful journey either one of us has embarked on. Truly worth it!.
Let me finish with a quote that I value and respect:
“I RATHER BE HATED FOR WHO I AM THAN TO BE LOVED FOR WHO AM NOT”